I haven't posted in a while. Things suck... from an outsiders perspective. I have a feeding tube now. It sticks out of my side like some sort of mutated tentacle, sucking the life and giving me life in one foul gesture.

I cut off most of my hair. It's now two inches long and brown.. not three feet and red. I had to cut it. It was too heavy for my neck to hold after I dropped super low. I like how I look, it's very... Cait. I've been looking at universities lately, and I'm thinking of heading to Philly to go to the University of The Arts or the Art Institute.... but who knows if I'll even be alive by then. We'll just have to see.

I HATE  MY FUCKING MIND. 

One day I sing songs and hum and dance and jump around in joy. The next day I can't think of a reason to get out of bed. My summer started off amazingly, and then turned to complete shit. Why can't things ever work out for me?

I love my life. The only thing can could make me any happier right now would be a good boyfriend (for once). Here are some lyrics. Streetlight Manifesto is amazingly godly. I loveeeee themm :]  even if I break my ribs at their concerts.

<3


Last night I woke alone with a whisper in my ear (whisper in my ear)
Recanting all my aspirations and my fears
And when the sun came up that voice had disappeared
But it would linger on for years

It said "We can't just blame it on our mothers
Claim everything they did was always wrong"

And there ain't no turning back when our train is off its track
And there's nothing we can do but watch it crash (watch it crash)
And there ain't no right and wrong when we know it won't be long
And there's nothing we can do but watch it crash

So mercy, mercy, mercy me
Praying for the death of a man I'll never meet
Though everyone will know the truth they'll still just make believe
Mercy mercy me

"We can't just blame it on our mothers
Claim everything they did was always wrong"

And there ain't no turning back when our train is off its track
And there's nothing we can do but watch it crash (watch it crash)
And there ain't no right and wrong when we know it won't be long
And there's nothing we can do but watch it crash

So mercy, mercy, mercy me
Praying for the death of a man I'll never meet
Though everyone will know the truth they'll still just make believe
Mercy mercy me

That's all they came for, that's all they took
That's all we had to offer, only dirty looks
And when they realized we'd given all we could
That's when they finally understood

Mercy mercy mercy me
Haunted by the memories of things we'll never see
Guilty for the statements that we'll never get to speak
Mercy mercy me

"We can't quite blame it on our mothers
Claim everything they did was always wrong"

And there ain't no turning back when our train is off its track
And there's nothing we can do but watch it crash (watch it crash)
And there ain't no right and wrong when we know it won't be long
And there's nothing we can do but watch it crash
Watch it crash, and there's nothing we can do but watch it crash